How to Be a Good Dad / Father and Husband

Being a good Dad and husband is something that I strive for every single day I'm awake and breathing. Now that might sound a little over zealous but to those who know me personally I take being a good Dad and husband extremely seriously.  Now this isn't to say that I'm strict or mean but rather I feel like it should be every man's duty (if applicable) that upon making these life decisions that they take it seriously.

Once you make the decision to get married and/or have children you have got to understand that your life is no longer a single person experience nor will it ever be again.  Every decision from here on out should be a team decision.  This is a tough nugget for a lot of people I meet with or counsel and often times they say I am wrong or it doesn't have to be this way.  To be honest with you in my experience and based on the works I have read it really does and they are the ones seeking counsel from me!

A good marriage

A good marriage starts with a great foundation.  That great foundation simply HAS to be one built on trust, love and acceptance.  If you do not have any one of those three and going to get married - stop until you do.  These foundational pillars allow you to create a relationship where you both grow and prosper emotionally.  While love may seem like the obvious easy choice there is a clear difference between love and lust.  I know many people who got married because they lusted after one another.  Lust does not last and therefore neither has their marriages.  It is not simply enough to love you have to be in love.  You have to love every single part of your partner from head to toe and personality traits too.

Trust. Trust is a biggie and is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts of marriage.  Trust is not simply trusting someone to be faithful or tell the truth but also, and more importantly,it is about trusting them to make the right decision.  Making the right decision is choosing wisely to ensure that each move, thought and spoken word is for the good of the marriage and family.  Trust is so critical because if you cannot be trusted to choose your family over the individual self you will inevitably cause your partner to resent you and your actions.

Acceptance.  This one is a little harder to pin down and a much more difficult for the male end of the spectrum.  I firmly believe that once you commit you must change your way of thinking and accept the life you have chosen to lead.  I talk more about this below but essentially it boils down to whether or not you can accept that you are no longer working for the individual but for the collective of your family.

Before we dive into what it means to be a good husband I have a quick quiz for you:

• Do you enjoy going out with the guys and leaving your wife at home?
• Do you and your wife routinely do things independently of each other?
• Do you make an effort to try and enjoy the same hobbies as one another?
• Do you spend more time apart then together?

If you answered yes to any of the above question we have some serious thinking to do about where your priorities lie and how you consider yourself to be a good husband.

A good husband will commit himself to his wife 100%.  Now at this point I know what some of you may be thinking.  "But Nick we enjoy going out independently what's wrong with it?" This is often a valid point but personally I know that for every minute I am out with the guys away from my wife I am not building a stronger relationship with her.  Each minute you are apart is a minute you could have spent doing something together.  That minute might have been something important like a conversation or something unimportant such as watching TV together.

A good husband will find ways to engage himself and his wife.  What this means is finding ways to get each other connected and enjoying the same things.  If your passion is sports then how can you get her involved so that you both enjoy it?  This is not simply about forcing her to watch a game with you this is more akin to asking her how she might be able to enjoy it with you.  You really don't know what she might say but it might be something she's never been asked before.  She might want to kick off her shoes and watch it on the sofa with your or she might want to go to the game and watch it live.  Whatever the case find a way that she can enjoy your hobbies.  This works both ways! 

A good husband will enjoy his wife's company.  What is the biggest complaint men have after getting married? It usually involves intimacy and the lack thereof which is so completely easy to increase it is almost too easy.  Simply spend time together.  Once you begin implementing things I have suggested you will naturally become more intimate both physically and emotionally.  The more intimate you become the happier you will both be in the long term.

A good husband will find ways to grow his relationship with his wife every single day.  Men do not lose the passion you have for your wife.  Choosing to make her happy results in your happiness too! (Do not mistake this for simply doing what she says but have a true desire to make her happy - there is a difference)

Being a good Dad is one of the most difficult jobs I have ever had. I have worked for Fortune 500 companies in upper management, I own a large child care center and online web business but being a Dad trumps all of those combined. To be a good Dad takes many of the same above mentioned qualities and in many cases relies on a being a good husband too. You see it simply is not enough for you to be a good Dad or good husband because they work synonymously together.

Learning to be a good Dad takes time and patience which is something you won't have if you are watching football or playing video games. There are a few simple steps you can follow I've built myself that have worked out really well:

1. Don't ever let your work become more important. This one is super easy to fall into (myself included) so make sure that you set aside work from home. If you work from home like I do this can be even more difficult!
2. Create time. Now I know some of you are thinking create time? How? By scheduling a preset time for play with your children you will in essence create time that never existed before.
3. Eat dinner together as a family. The benefits of this exercise are just too numerous to list here but include lower chances of drug use, improved school grades and much much more.
4. Tell them you love them.  Tell them you love them often.  Children who see emotion from their father and tender love will be more open to learning that love when they have their children.

My expertise comes from life and the experiences of what has made my life a success.  I have been married for six years and wife my wife in total for eight years.  I have 3 wonderful children 6,4 and 2.  On a daily basis I work with children who do not get the experience of a father figure in their life and I feel the impact that this has on them.  If you are a father, the universe has given you a chance to not just show up but to play your best.

Playing your best at being a good dad and husband is the greatest game of all.